JOKES

 Pet names:     By Vivian

A couple decided to call each other pet names
and the wife said, "I'll be calling you TIGER". "Why?" he asked. "Cos
u're handsome, tall, charming, strong, calculating, smart & very
good in BEDmatics".

She then asked him, "What will u be calling
me?" He said, "Zebra". The lady still smiling seductively, "Wow, that's
lovely & sweet. Why did you choose such a lovely name?" "Because of
your STRETCH MARKS

Give to the one above.:     By philip essilfie 
A father and one of his church members(lady) were having sex under a tree,not knowing a wee smoker was up on the tree smoking.after the act,the sister asked the pastor,if i get pregnant,who will take care of the baby?the pastor replied,lets leave all to the one above(God),SUDDENLY,the wee smoker jumped down and shouted,U DEY CRAZE?leave what for who?na me fuck am?idiot,foolish,impotant and above all sex machine. 

An elderly couple:     By Paulina
An elderly couple are sitting around one evening and the man says to wife "Marsha, we are about to Celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary.
We've had a wonderful life together, full of Contentment and blessings. But there's something I've Always wondered about: Tell the truth. Have you ever been unfaithful to me?

"She hesitates a moment, then says, "Yes, 3 times, "Three times? How could that happen?" Sidney asks.
The wife begins recalling slowly "Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were so Broke, and the bank was going to foreclose on our Little house?"
"Yes, that was really a terrible time," replies the Man.
Marsha continued, "And remember when I went to see the Banker one night and the next day the bank extended our loan?"
"That's hard to take" the man says "but I guess it really was for us, so I can forgive you."
"What was the second time?"
"Well," she continued, "do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?"
"Yes of course" the man replies.
"Then you will remember that right after I went to See the doctor, he did your operation at no cost?" she Explained.
"That's true," Sidney nodded. "That shocks me, Marsha, but I do understand that you did it out of love for me and I forgive you.
"So, what was the third time?"
Marsha lowers her head and says, " Sidney , do you remember when you ran for Country Club President and you needed 82 more votes?"
The man fainted.